Proof Men Love Crazy Women

I’VE long held the opinion that no matter how inappropriately a woman behaves, there will still always be men who are more than willing to have sex with her. In fact, I’d almost go as far as to say the more weird and ‘crazy’ a girl is, the more likely she is to have a large number of men trying to sleep with her. I see it all the time. It would seem to me, men perceive unhinged behaviour as vulnerabilty, which they love because they know they can get more from it. This is obviously a mass generalision, but as with most sweeping statements, there’s always an element of truth to it.

Recently I took to Tinder to put my theory to the test. I wanted to see how far I could push people until they didn’t want a bar of me – I just  love pushing things to the limit. But I’ll have to admit even I was surprised by the results. Out of the 20 or so men I “crazy trolled” 100 PER CENT of them STILL wanted to meet up. wtf?

I was genuinely astounded by the responses I received. No matter what I said, it didn’t seem to be enough to make them run for the hills? It was totally bizarre and it got me thinking…why do we even bother trying to be “normal” and reasonable? These men not only tolerate kooky behaviour, some might even argue they…they like it?!

So here it is, ladies and gentleman, irrefutable evidence that despite arguments to contrary, men love crazy women and they will quite literally accept anything if they think there’s the slightest chance of sex. And do you know what I say to that? Good for them!

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Introducing Tommy. Tommy was so DTF, he was willing to run the risk of catching HIV.

It was at this point I just had to leave it. Where is Tommy’s Mother?! Like. Come on Tommy! Kudos to him for not being judgmental though. He’s a better person than I am…

Next up we have Sam. Now, in his pictures Sam was pretty good looking. He was that pretty boy private school type which personally I am not into, but I’d imagine he’d have a lot of women swooning over him nonetheless. Sam’s bio thingy said “Not looking for anything serious”. Which of course meant he was prime for the picking.

 

I forgot to mention to Sam I have a blog…does that make me qualified to make jokes?

Sam. No! Just no.

And there was Matty. Oh Matty…such a kind and confused heart.

 

I don’t have the screen shots, but Matty actually continued to message me for the following 5 days I was still on Tinder. If I ever got the chance to speak to Matty again, I would say what I’d say to most of these men…I’d say “Matty – NO!”  as I reach for the pest spray. Kind of like when my dog’s misbehaving. But seriously, I think Matty needs to meet a nice girl who studied Arts/Law at Melbourne, works in Internal Comms for an insurance company and whose favourite book is Eat, Pray, Love. She’ll make you happy babe. I just…I just couldn’t.

Even though I was playing a character and what I was saying wasn’t true, good old Nic made me feel pretty chuffed about myself. He seemed to find the fact that a girl had a restraining order against her…”Endearing”. Naaaaw. Bless his idiotic and horny socks.

 

Sorry…sorry…WHAT?! Endearing? When I try to cook you a special meal then burn it and cry about it…that’s endearing. When I feel self-conscious about my double chin whilst giving you a blowjob…that’s endearing. When I tell you my ex-boyfriend TOOK OUT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME LAST SATURDAY?! That is not endearing. Why are you encouraging this bad behaviour Nicholas?! Oh, I know why. Because you just want to fuck and who cares about the mental state of this “cray cray” lady? Yeah, just you wait until I go Bunny Boiler on yo NicholASS. Will you find that endearing? eh heh heh.

Now, introducing David. All David “knew” about me was that I was obsessed with One Direction. I didn’t take all the screen shots, but every time I messaged him, it was to discuss One Direction. The message prior to this had said, “Can I ask you a favour?”

I told him I was up and that I was choosing between which boob to get my Harry Styles tattoo on…He didn’t mind this. He told me he didn’t mind what kind of music I liked because I “seem like a pretty cool chick”. Okay, Davy. I don’t know about you, but last time I checked,  trying to coerce strangers off Tinder into bidding on 1D merchandise is pretty much the antitheses of cool. This one actually started to freak ME out.

I’ve always said I don’t want to be proposed to with a ring, but rather a tattoo of a Funnell on my prospective husband’s arse, with a nice big bend over… This guy came scarily close to being the One.

So go forth, ‘crazy bitches’ with the comforting knowledge that it doesn’t matter how insane and unreasonable you are, you will never be short of a man. He may not respect you, but he sure as hell will fuck you…and that’s gotta count for something?! Ammiright ladies?! Not.

Personally, I found the whole thing a little bit sickening. It made me weep for humanity. I ended up deleting Tinder because I’m ethically opposed to the mass consumption of humans (except of course in orgies). And it’s not like I need Tinder because I’ve got something that works a lot better, which I prefer and it’s called “A blonde walks into a bar…”