Some of these things annoy me. Other things I’ve learnt annoy other people. Most of these things I do on purpose to be intentionally annoying. It keeps me entertained. I’m not proud of this, but at least I’m honest.
- When there’s a bunch of people already waiting at the pedestrian crossing, walk up and press the button. Do it loudly. Do it several times. Make them think you don’t trust they’ve pressed it.
- Ever wondered if he finds your friends attractive? Ask him. Whatever his response, overreact and disagree. “What? So you think Amanda’s hotter than me?! Well I’d fuck Dave so THERE.” (Every guy has a mate called Dave, if he doesn’t, don’t trust him.)
- Feeling insecure in your relationship? Post something on their Facebook wall to make it look like you’re both really loved up and functional.
- Pretty savvy with Social Media? Try linking your Twitter feed to your Facebook feed.
- Notice somebody is chopping vegetables for a salad? Pick at that shit.
- Have a penchant for Tuna? Have your lunch on the tram!
- Do you know how much nicer Dim Sims taste on the public transport? Yeah. Go there.
- Start a sentence with “In my humble opinion…” and then finish it with something rather self-righteous and not very humble at all.
- Tell someone you don’t mean to patronize them…and then patronize THE HELL outta them.
- Got nothing interesting to say? Just jump on Facebook and give your friends an update…lol.
- He’s got a really busy day at work and you know this… But he’s not responding to your messages? Call him.
- When approaching a roundabout, put your hazard lights on. It keeps people guessing.
- Trying to choose a ring tone? Ask your fellow passengers on the train for their input.
- No other seat free except the disabled one? Take it.
- After years of being on the pill, stop taking it then casually announce to your partner they’re going to have to start buying condoms again. (Men hate that)
- Single? Complain about it. Better yet, announce a “no BF’s/GF’s” rule to every occasion.
- Got housemates? Take their things.
- Ask cab drivers if their night’s been busy…
- Invite people to play Game Apps on Facebook.
- Want to remember your friend’s and family’s birthdays?! Why not invite them to join your Facebook Calendar App!
- Hey have you heard of this new game on Facebook called Mafia Wars?
- Love singing but can’t? Practice. Regularly.
- Ask people why they never call you anymore.
- Mistakenly think you’re as good as your parents think you are.
- Mistake your Facebook audience for your Grandma. Eg “Yay! Just got a promotion! Go me! #promotion #killingit #moremoney #moron”
- Complain about Vodaphone.
- Start a sentence with “I had the weirdest dream last night…” then go into a really long winded explanation of a boring and not even remotely kinky dream.
- Tell a drunk person they’ve had enough.
- Angry at someone? Stew on it and make sure you wait at least 6 months before bringing it up. Assume most people are mind readers.
- Tell someone you’re ‘not that hungry’ but once their meal arrives, pick at their plate. Make sure to pay special attention to the chips.
- Got semi-plans with your GF? Cancel.
- When your partner gets home from work/is playing video games/fixing something and is somewhat unresponsive to your questions, ask him what’s wrong. Do it consistently for the next 15 minutes. When he refuses to admit there’s something wrong, immediately concede it must be “us” and start crying hysterically.
- Fellas, if you really wanna piss off your GF, explain it’s a “Boy’s Night”. The next day when you rehash, casually mention James’ GF and her friend were there…right before you accept the friend requests from both.
34. Ladies, why not tag along to a “Boy’s Night” and consistently ask, “What is with guys and sport…Like, serioooooooously.” *eye roll*
35. Used the last of the toilet paper? Don’t replace it.
36. Argue about the pronounciation of ‘Yoghurt’ & ‘Vitamins’.
37. Drive in the right hand lane on 50km/h.
38. When somebody’s trying to read a book, flick the light switch on and off repeatedly. When they complain. Do it again.
39. Write a blog.
It's like fundamentalism without 'da mental' part 