If The Milk Smells Off It Probably Is

 

A WISE person once said people should approach all relationships in the same way they approach a carton of milk.

If the milk smells off, it probably is. The person that said this wasn’t actually that wise, but they did have a point.

Everybody knows milk can be a little iffy, especially when you don’t know when it was purchased. It’s fairly standard practice to open a carton of milk and sniff it. Sniffing a carton of milk is often subjective. It’s at this point if there’s somebody around us, we’ll generally ask, “do you reckon this milk smells off?”  Depending on the nature of said person, they will most likely offer their opinion. Listen.

If it’s a definite YES, most reasonable people will rush to the sink, pour it down, and be done with it. They might even make the “eeeeewwwww yuuuuuuuck” whingey sound.

Nobody teaches you how to approach milk. It’s innate in you. The problem with relationships is that deciphering the drinkability of a person can be a lot trickier than milk, and that’s why so many people get it wrong.

But alas! The warning signs in a person are often difficult to figure out. One person’s “Yes puh-leeeeease – take me to yo mumma’s house!” might be another person’s “Fuh-reaaaaak – get away from me.”

But I’m here to assure you while there are personal preferences, there are also very clear universal warning signs. Take note.

1. Likes Tool
2. Doesn’t like children
3. Doesn’t like animals
4. Tells you how much better you are than their ex – Even though you probably are and it might be nice to hear it, trust me, one day you will be that ex getting bad mouthed.
5. Is already in a relationship – If they’re going to cheat on them, they’re going to cheat on you. Don’t flatter yourself honey. You’re not that special.
6. Has been single less than two weeks – Timing isn’t a ‘bitch’. The timing of the Universe is perfect. It will always keep the wrong person away from you.
7. Has a series of volatile back-to-back relationships – They are the common denominator. You can’t change them!
8. Cries within the first month – Emotions are nice. It’s good to connect with people on an in-depth level. But within the first month is too soon. There should be nothing to be upset about within the first month. If there is, it’s a sign of things to come.
9. Shows signs of jealousy early on – If they’re trying to own/control/manipulate you early on, once again, it’s a sign of what’s come once you guys are more committed.
10. Stands you up but has a really good excuse – There is never a good excuse here. Except maybe if a pet dies.
11. Bad mouths their supposed “best friends” – If they don’t sing their friends’ praises, imagine what they’re going to be saying about you in time?! Even if their friends are the biggest douchebags going around, they should love and respect their friends. If they don’t why the hell are they friends with them? Get new friends, dude.
12. Admits to having addictions in the past to gambling/drugs/drinking/sex –You might take this as “honesty” and a sign of the “open communication” you guys share. Women love a reformed bad boy.  Fresh and drinkable milk has never had a problem with an addiction. I’m sorry if this sounds judgmental, but it’s true.

If your new flame ticks more than one of these boxes, I’m sorry but you’re going to have to grab that stinky milk and pour it down the drain as fast as you can. Just do it. And don’t look back.

Run Away. If the milk smells off, it probably is and so is that ‘not-quite-right’ person.

But on the bright side, you’ve managed to save yourself from having that sour taste in your mouth and surely that’s gotta taste super sweet.